


The Bridge Fic

by guns_4_hands



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Bridge - Freeform, Drowning, I think it's flipping sad, M/M, Overdose, Really depressing, Ryden, Suicide, Water, i almost cried while writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 21:02:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12262032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guns_4_hands/pseuds/guns_4_hands
Summary: Ryan and Brendon both have their issues. When they are alone, who knows how they will handle them?





	The Bridge Fic

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning!!!! This story has multiple mentions and actions of suicide and anorexia. If you are sensitive to this, please don't read it. Also, if you do read it, please give me feedback. Let me know what you thought. Let me know if it totally sucked.

_"Who needs to eat, anyways?"_ Brendon thought disgusted with himself. He had just eaten a plate of pasta, only because Ryan pleaded for him to eat. _"The only reason to eat is to live. What's the point of living if everyone is just going to abandon you when you need them the most?"_

    The only reason Brendon hasn't ended his life goes by the name Ryan Ross. Brendon would likely have starved himself to death if it hadn't been for Ryan's persistence. Or perhaps he would've jumped off of a bridge. He wouldn't have cut himself. He can't deal with blood.

    A lot of people wonder how Brendon turned out the way he did. Many adults remember him as the funny, bubbly, obnoxious child that didn't worry about anything. That's sixth grade Brendon. Brendon had a best friend. His name was Jake. Brendon was starting to realize that he wasn't straight. He thought he could confide in his friend with no backlash. He thought wrongly. Jake decided to tell the whole school about Brendon's personal thoughts. Brendon spent the rest of that year hearing every insult in the book. Fag, gay, perv, you name it. In further years, the insults have died down a little, but he still gets the occasional bruise. Ever since then, Brendon has been afraid to get too close to anyone, but he was afraid of being alone. It made for an interesting dilemma.

    Fast forward a few years to tenth grade. Brendon meets Ryan. Ryan starts to question his sexuality. Ryan had been raised to believe that being different is bad. Now, he was starting to question that logic. All Ryan wants is for Brendon to eat. He wishes Brendon would just believe that he is beautiful. However, convincing him of that is easier said than done.

    While Brendon can't live without Ryan, the same can be said for Ryan. Ryan is extremely depressed. Then again, aren't we all? Everyone gets depressed. Ryan's depression, however, is far worse than most others. He can't go an hour without wanting to down a bottle of pills.

    About six months into tenth grade, Ryan and Brendon start officially dating. The open-minded kids think it's adorable. The same can't be said for others. The world is filled with close-minded people. That's a commonly known fact. To get back on topic, Brendon and Ryan were like a match made in heaven. They fit like two adjacent pieces of a puzzle. It was honestly the cutest thing ever.

    That's where it gets a little sadder. A few months after they started dating, Brendon started eating even less. That was hard to do, seeing as he already ate practically nothing. Ryan had already known that Brendon as anorexic, so this didn't exactly shock him. Ryan was working towards getting Brendon to eat more. It just wasn't going as planned. He would invite him over, order a pizza, and ask him to eat. Those days sometimes worked. Other days, it ended in Ryan and Brendon crying into each others' shoulders. After a while, it got quite a bit worse. Brendon passed out a few times after leaving school. Ryan was worried sick, which isn't good for someone as depressed as he is.

    Fast forward a couple months, and things are moving along in their relationship. It was nearly the end of tenth grade. They had already established that they loved each other. When apart, they are usually texting each other, making sure that they're okay.

    Near the end of tenth grade was also when they did the deed. Both boys were losing their virginity, but they didn't care. They know they were in love, so there was no one else that they would rather do it with. That night, both boys felt beautiful and loved. It was the best night of their lives.

    When eleventh grade starts, things get a little rockier. Not with their relationship because they were made for each other, but with their lives. Ryan's depression worsened. Brendon started fasting more often, eating maybe once or twice a week. He only really ate when Ryan forced him to, sometimes not even then. Many parents in either situation would think to get their child therapy. Brendon's parents were never around, so they never knew what was going on. Ryan's parents believe that Ryan is faking it. He has tried to talk to them about it so many times, but they just shrug it off as a cry for attention. Needless to say, neither of them got the therapy they needed. Their therapy was each other. Add that stress on top of their grades, and it's nearly impossible to manage. Brendon has maintained a C-average with one or two Bs gracing his report card. Ryan was not as lucky. His report card contained a few Ds, a few Cs, and one B. It made his parents very upset. Their punishment was that he wasn't allowed to talk to Brendon outside of school until his grades were brought up. Ryan worked so hard to pick up his grades, but that stress pushed the limit.

    Ryan tried to commit suicide. He downed a half empty bottle of Advil. He didn't realize they were expired. He thought half a bottle would do the job. He was wrong. He only passed out from it. After it happened, Ryan woke up and went to school regularly, deciding not to stress Brendon out by not telling him.

    That brings us to the present day. Brendon was starting to become more and more depressed without Ryan to talk to. He only weighed 89 pounds, which really isn't good for someone who is 5'9". Ryan tries to make him eat, but his efforts are in vain.

    Brendon was feeling particularly stressed and depressed today, so he tried calling Ryan. His parents must have been there because no matter how many times Brendon called and texted him, he didn't answer. This normally wouldn't have had such an effect, but today, it did. Brendon grabbed an empty notebook, a pen, and a jacket, and headed out the door.

    He walked for about twenty minutes before finally reaching his destination. He climbed onto the railing of the bridge and sat down. He pulled out his notebook and opened the pen. On the first page, he wrote a letter.

_Dear Ryan Ross,_  
_I love you. I'm sorry to do this to you. You mean the world to me. That is why I think that you'll be better off without me. You won't have to worry about whether or not your boyfriend is living because you will know that I am not. I could say a million things, but I'm trying to keep this to one page, so I'll keep it as simple as possible. Thank you. You are the reason that I have lived this long. It's truly a miracle that you did that. Maybe, when we're both in the afterlife, we'll be able to enjoy a nice relationship with no depression or anorexia. That would be nice. If whoever found the notes gave them to the right people, then my parents would have gotten theirs. I would suggest steering clear of them. They're probably super pissed at all the blunt things I wrote. I will give you everything that I possess. You're the only person who has actually mattered in my life, so you're the only person that deserves it. You can take your pick of all the shit that's in my room. I know your green hoodie is in their. I'm sure you want that back. I won't be using it anymore. Anyway, I have a few more letters to write, so I'm going to end this soon. Thank you for making the part of my life that you were in worth living. I can't thank you enough. I love you._  
_So long,_  
_Brendon Urie_

    He tore that page out of his notebook and folded it neatly in half. In big, cursive letters, he wrote Ryan Ross. He started working on another letter.

_Dear mom and dad,_  
_Fuck you both. I've needed some type of therapy for the longest time, but you're never around, so how would you know? It's really nice to be loved by your parents, or so I'd imagine. I've never had that luxury. Everything I own goes to Ryan. You two can go fuck yourselves for all I care._  
_-Brendon_

    That letter he tore out hastily, not caring if it ripped. He folded it in half, not caring if the sides were even, and scribbled out his parents names.

    In his final letter, he didn't address it to a specific person.

_Hello. If you are reading this, that means you found my letters. If you could, would you please give these letters to their intended recipients? That would be great. Their names are at the bottom of this paper. As you're reading this, you might be confused. So let me explain. My name is Brendon Urie. I jumped off of this bridge. Why, you may ask. The answer is simple. I can't live any longer in the life I have. We're all going to die anyways, so why not just speed along the process? Anyway, that's all from me. Thanks for listening. I appreciate it._  
_-Brendon_

    He laid that letter on top of the others unfolded. He took his shoes off and put them on the notes, to act as a paperweight. He took off his jacket and laid it beside the notes. He took out his phone and tried to call Ryan one more time. Ryan finally picked up.

    "Brendon! Where are you? I'm at your house. I'm honestly freaking out right now. What's wrong?" he questioned.

    "Honestly, I've never been better. I'm finally going to be free," he replied, staring down into the murky waters below him.

    "What do you mean? Please don't tell me you’re at the bridge."

    "Goodbye, Ryan. I love you."

    "What?! No, please sto-" Ryan's voice was cut off as Brendon ended the call. He placed his phone on his sweatshirt. On the other side of town, Ryan was running frantically towards the bridge that Brendon had always fantasized jumping off.

    Brendon looked back at the passing cars for a few minutes. He was finally going to be free. No more taunts, no more food, no more shitty parents, nothing. Just a nice river. He looked back at the water and pushed off.

    Ryan arrived four minutes later and saw the letters laying on the ground. He read through his multiple times, tears becoming more prominent each time. He made a quick decision.

    With no note or explanation to anyone else, he sat on the edge of the railing for a few seconds before joining his partner in the watery depths.

    When Brendon hit the water, there was a sickening smack. He closed his eyes, feeling nothing but numbness. He smiled as he became fully submerged. He had done it, he realized as his thoughts started drifting away. He was finally free.

    Brendon had already stopped breathing as Ryan's body hit the water. Ryan was dead on impact. No thoughts ran through his head. His mind was like a blank slate.

    Even in death, the two couldn't be separated.

 

  
The memorial service was the following week. The only people to attend were the parents and a few kids. One kid in particular was Pete Wentz. Pete had always tried to cheer the two kids up. His stupid puns and foolish behavior always made the two smirk. Pete was happy to have at least caused them a little bit of joy.

    Pete watched in horror as the parents of the deceased quietly chatted in the back of the room. They had hardly paid any attention to their late sons. Pete walked up to their closed coffins and bid them a farewell, for he knew the parents wouldn't. Pete just hoped that the teens were happy now. After all, everyone deserves a happy ending. It's just the sad truth that most people don't get it. It's an even sadder truth that for some, it takes jumping off of a bridge to achieve that happy ending.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I was in a really depressed mood when I wrote this. Either way, it probably sucks. Let me know what you think. Also, if you are thinking thoughts like anyone in this story, please talk to someone. There is always someone willing to talk if you're wiling to look. Please don't commit suicide or starve yourself. It's really hard on those around you. If you need to, just leave an anonymous comment on here, and I'll talk to you. Just let it all out. Just don't hurt yourself. Please. Stay alive, frens.


End file.
